


just a small town girl

by Raitnrong



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, And angst, College, Depression, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-19 03:09:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13114731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raitnrong/pseuds/Raitnrong
Summary: They're roommates and they wouldn't have it any other way.





	1. THEIR Flat

**Author's Note:**

> Monika's POV
> 
> Enjoy! Cue cheesy starter.

Monika sighed as she entered her flat - or their flat. 

After the whole day of being loaded with work from her classes, extra credit hours, and an extended meeting from their school's debate team - there wasn't a literature club in her college and she needed to join at least two for her honors, so why not? - she was finally glad to be home.

Monika smiled as she set down her bag and made her way into the living room, feeling more tired than ever.

 

The apartment that she and Sayori had gotten was at least big enough that they had a kitchen joining their shared bathroom, a room with two beds, and a small complimentary living room they use for when they would both stay up and study.

 

The place was clean and unusually quiet except for the sound of the TV running. When she was done checking the kitchen-bathroom area first, she made her way towards the living room.

 

That's when she saw her. Sayori's figure was bathed in the light of the television, clutching a pillow tightly and being as still as stone. 

Now, where most people would find her at this state to be described as peaceful, Monika's stomach just dropped as she immediately went to her. 

 

Sayori, before _everything_ happened, had always been the happy-go-lucky girl she now could only pretend to be at times, so much that her being stilted in her any movements was a sure forewarning to the brunette. 

The other girl had always cried silently.

 

Immediately, Monika had went up to her. Already telling that the action was a mistake when she had surprised the girl. Sayori had sat up so fast that she knew she must have be feeling dizzy by now, especially after crying so much. Monika felt her breath catch.  
  
"Sayori..." 

And it was all just too much. Too much when the strawberry-blonde had finally focused her eyes on Monika with such a deep, gut-wrenching expression of confusion, gloom, and innocence. So much when she could just see the pain as the other girl is struck with self-hatred for being found ~~again~~ , tears-streaking down her face even faster now. 

Those blue eyes losing their vibrant color as Sayori's face scruched up as they kept pooling.

 

Too much.

 

"M-monika? Monika, I- I'm -I'm -so s-sorry," Sayori hiccuped and sobbed. Monika just crept closer and held the crying girl as strewn together apologies were repeated in her ear.

 

To be honest, for all the skills Monika possessed, she was tearing up right now just because she felt utterly useless. She just wanted Sayori to stop crying, somehow. Stiill, she was constantly reminded of how bad she was when dealing with people - even those important to her.

She felt so horrible that she couldn't give Sayori what she needed right now.

 

"I'm sorry! S-sorry -so sorry that you had to have found me like this in again for the second time this w-week! I didn't mean to and I know how you're probably alw-ways so t-tired, " Monika felt the girl sob and burrow some more, "b-because, you always have a lot to do and I'm such a h-horrible roommate that you have to see me like this! I'm sorry. You deserve so much b-better than such a m-mess like m-me. I'm sorry you had to find me like this. Monika, it's barely been a week - what the hell, right? Why? I k-know that -should just leave! But I'm sorry! Sorry, sorry, _sorry_ -"

 

"Sayori, please," Monika whispered lowly, still trying to will away some of the guilt making the lump in her throat harder to swallow as she hugged the girl tighter, "I-it's not your fault, okay? I swear!" she laughed a little and hugged the girl tighter, just hoping the blonde could tell how much she cared through it. "I'd never think of having anyone else as my roomie. What are you talking about?" She idly, looked around at her small space they had built together, hoping for a distraction to keep her voice from breaking, "W-well, who else would even think of cheering me up when I get **home** at my worst? To look forward to? To be with me when I go get groceries every week just to pet those stray dogs? To stay up studying with or play checkers, while _Up_ is on in the television? R-right, Sayo?" she said, smiling hopefully.

And she was sure Sayori was just shaking her head, but she didn't care; she probably couldn't bare to be left alone by her. She didn't care if Saypri doesn't understand that she loves her, she still would, anyway. She was always so selfish.

But it was working though, or at least she thinks it is, because her there was no more shaking and she could feel her calming herself through the measured breathing Monika had taught to her - however temporary. It was hrlping.

 

"M-monika... sing me a song?"

And how could she deny that? They were... getting better, right now. And she was just so tired but she missed having Sayori so close, again. And everything feels right.

As Sayori had cried whatever was left out of her, Monika began to sing a soft tune. 

 

She vaguely registered their phone ringing in the background but dismissed it as probably someone like Natsuki.

 

When Monika heard the blue-eyed girl whimpering, she smiled bitterly, finally taking it as a sign that she has at least stopped. And though the ache in her heart was still there, she did her best to move a less finicky and more tired Sayori on the couch so she could lie down next to her.

Monika did her best from then. Having already gotten a hold of herself and her emotions to resemble her usual controlled self.

 

She laid herself so that they were facing each other, still keeping her hand on the other girl's arm and gently running her fingers on it as if it was the keys of her own piano. The melody was filling the room. And though she could still see Sayori hiccup, it was currently getting better judging by her breaths getting even. She was still singing.

 

And it was good, though not perfect, Monika knew she'd never trade the way Sayori's hair was nice to play with, even when mussed up, or how the pair of eyes currently peering at her were red-rimmed - maybe even content (happy?) - but definitely getting sleepier with lids slowly lowering.

_You know I love you right?_

It looked like the sun setting.

_Every day, I imagine a future where I can be with you,  
In my hand is a pen that will write a poem of me and you._

 


	2. SHE's Crying Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeesh, sorry.

Sayori... Sayori was crying again. The girl thought as she stares at her shaking hands. 

And it was such a sad thing because come to think of it, she hasn't had an episode for the past six days already. No depressing thoughts of how worthless she was, how much of a burden she could be, or even one of possibly... offing herself anytime soon.

It was so, so refreshing to finally just get distracted but now all of that has was wasted, only serving to probably make the backlash worst once it comes. Sickening things to think about when she had hoped she was better.

 

She stared at the movie with empty, leaking eyes; _Rock of Ages_ continuing to belt her favorite part but all she could perceive were low white noises and a headache.

 

It had all started when she was trying to make dinner. There wasn't even an accident or any mess-ups with the process, but intrusive thoughts just sprang up about how she had made a bit too much of her meal. She wasn't hungry that much, didn't try to keep healthy, so why make a lot? She had then suddenly felt the sting of tears with a soft gasp when she was finishing, the exhaustion of those whole six day catching up to her - and she suddenly just stopped.

Stopped moving, stopped eating, stopped breathing... and somehow tried to smile. A shaky grin mixed with watered and a lowered gaze that looked heartbreaking to all who could see it.

 

And then there was a gripping at her heart out of fear, because she was so scared of crying again - highlighted only by her quiet hyperventilation. Gut sinking with the realization of an oncoming depressive episode.

 

And as she panicked, with her gut sinking and the cold creeping up at her, she had put on a random movie. As usual, she recited the first few opening lines to whatever it was as she sat on the couch. As usual, a casual second attemp of a _diversion_.

Sayori knew she was getting overwhelmed at absolutely nothing. And her fights against the new storm was only getting weaker as she clutches the pillow at her side with a tightening, fierce grip.

 

 _'What a waste,'_ Sayori thought, _'not again. Can't you just hold up for the fricking day, please?_

_Please? I mean, you're basically tearing up at nothing again. Damn. Please! Nothing's even wrong! There are so many simple solutions available and you just decide to act - what? - depressed? I'm pretty sure you don't even know what you're upset about. Just focus please! You've always lacked that. And why beat yourself up again anyw- and now you're crying even more? Stop! You're so loud. Just please...'_

"Stop, stop, stop," she whispered to herself, over and over. 

 

Still keeping the gritted grin of hers in place as her shoulders started to sob.

 

The strawberry blonde didn't even notice the time for how long she had been crying. Not noticing how she'd lied down on the couch completely. Or how the pillow was already making it so difficult to breathe. Never noticing anything except her quiet crying she's trying to fix. She feels numb and was just so tired, right now.

So when Sayori felt a light touch on her, the way she shot up from her position was bound to give her whiplash, pillow rumpled and landing at the floor. She felt so useless. Her mind going in circles with _regret and guilt for what was happening because..._

Monika had found her. **Again**. 

 

She was going to throw up.

 _'No,no, no, no,'_ Sayori had chanted as she thoughtlessly crept closer to the concerned older girl.

 

oh gods, she was so sorry. And by now, she's been spewing everything coming up to her mind lately. Her useless disorder - fucking disease - and how the brunette shouldn't have to deal with anything. How her friends shouldn't have to be her singling lifeline these days. She was sorry, right? 

"-Sorry, sorry, _sorry-_ "

"Sayori, please," she heard Monika whisper lowly, as she was squeezed a bit more.

And although Sayori was being stubborn to it, just shaking her head and refusing to look or accept those same caring eyes, she still feels the comfort of Monika being with her, right now. With it comes thr same ugly feeling of maybe not being enough. She hears Monika plead and she tries just a bit more, still holding on to the brunette.

 

She exhales the hurt out of her head. Once, twice. A few more sniffling and her eyes tire down to actually dry up.

 

She thinks she hears her voice, small and pleading. But those are washed away once Monika reassures her and her request.

Tears clears up almost completely when she feels gentle hands and a familiar tune fills the room. Sayori starts burrowing closer as they prepare to sleep.

It was awkward, the couch couldn't fit them unless they didn't mind the small space, and she still felt a bit sticky from crying, while she was sure Monika was still in her school clothes. She'll be washing tomorrow too. But it was good, though not perfect, Sayori is happy for the way her hair moves whilst Monika twiddles with it, for the way she finally smiled a real smile, and how she finally falls ~~in love with those green eyes~~ asleep.

 

Then if the next morning starts of with a flustered but still cuddled-up Sayori and a little teasing from Monika, it could mean everything was going to be fine... Maybe even get some breakfast?

_What will it take just to find that special day?_  
What will it take just to find that special day?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bam! edited 
> 
> Gods, I was horrible back then wasn't I?   
> Still am now. Hahahaha
> 
> Leave a kudos or a comment? Thanks!


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